I Will Remember You Read online

  “Was I shot?” she asked, staring at her arms, checking herself for wounds.

  Emmy put a hand on her leg. “No, you were beaten. The police think it was a robbery.”

  A robbery. She shook her head. This wasn’t real life. Couldn’t be. This was a movie starring Gianna, as Gianna, but she was lost and confused because nobody had given her the script ahead of time. And this movie was a damn tragedy. “I think I do need my doctor. My head is starting to hurt.”

  ONE OF THE NURSES PUT something in Gianna’s IV and everything became okay again. A light pressure descended onto her body until there was only peace and calm. Whatever it was, she needed to make sure they sent some home with her.

  Beverly explained that Justin had been laid to rest several days prior. The service was beautiful, she said, and they said a long and fervent prayer for Gianna’s healing. Apparently, Kaya was holding up as well as she could under the circumstances. Gianna remembered that Kaya had been a daddy’s girl. But now, she only had her mother.

  Dr. Ansley reentered the room, Kaya close behind her, and asked for their attention. “Gianna, I’m glad your family is here because I need to explain some things. I’ve asked mom to take notes just in case you don’t remember this conversation.”

  Beverly sat in the corner chair with her back straight and her head up, pen and pad in hand like an eager student on the first day of school. She had to be tickled pink that she had been assigned such a motherly task. Kaya sat gingerly on the bed next to Gianna. Emmy sat in the recliner against the wall. Dr. Ansley had their full attention.

  “Gianna suffered a concussion. Unfortunately, she has significant memory loss, which isn’t uncommon after trauma. It seems to have only affected her more recent memories, which is good news. The clinical term we use to describe this phenomenon is ‘retrograde amnesia.’”

  Beverly wrote furiously while Kaya shifted lightly on the bed, inching closer to her mother. Dr. Ansley continued. “Another piece of good news is that patients can often regain some, if not all of their memory through intensive cognitive and occupational therapy.”

  She paused. “But it takes work. Not just for the patient, but for the family, as well. Our patient here is going to need a lot of help in the coming months and before we let her out of here, I need a team in place that can commit to her recovery.”

  “Of course!” Beverly said, her voice uncharacteristically loud and shrill. “We’ll do whatever we can.”

  Emmy looked at Gianna and rolled her eyes. If Dr. Ansley only knew.

  “Good, Beverly. I’m going to work on a treatment plan. I’ll distribute it to each of you before we discharge her.”

  Gianna perked up. “When will that be? I need to go home and sleep in my own bed.”

  Dr. Ansley grimaced. “I know you’re eager to get home, hon’, but it’s hard to say right now. I would like to monitor you for a few more days, at least. And there’s one more thing.”

  She cleared her throat. “The police have been in and out of this hospital waiting for you to wake up. I understand they have a job to do but so do I. They want to solve their case. I want to help my patient get better. Those goals may conflict at times, but Gianna, I won’t let them jeopardize your recovery. Understand?”

  She was fierce for such a petite person. A little firecracker. Gianna liked that. “Okay,” she answered. “My head is spinning right now.”

  “That’s okay. That’s normal,” Dr. Ansley said. “You’ve been through a lot. What you need to focus on right now is getting better.”

  “Will I be out in time to bury Justin?”

  Emmy spoke up from her chair. “We told you, honey, we buried him a week ago.”

  “Oh, right,” Gianna said before starting to cry. “I missed his homegoing.” She rubbed her forehead with trembling fingers. Kaya leaned down to hug her and the two wept together.

  Beverly approached the bed and placed a hand awkwardly on Gianna’s shoulder. She gave a few soft pats before walking back to her chair. Emmy shook her head and frowned her disapproval.

  Dr. Ansley stood and stretched. “I’ll leave you ladies alone to visit. Buzz the nurse if you need anything, okay?” Gianna nodded, and Dr. Ansley gave her leg a soft pat before leaving the room.

  Beverly stood, too. “Alright, we’re gonna get on the road. Kaya has school tomorrow and I think she has homework.”

  “Noooo. Can’t we stay a little longer?” Kaya pleaded, sniffling and wiping her eyes.

  Beverly pouted. “I’m sorry sweetie but we have a long drive. We’ll be back tomorrow.”

  “Okay.” Kaya planted kisses all over her mother’s cheek and got the same in return.

  Emmy smiled at the scene. “You gonna be alright in here by yourself once we leave?” she asked.

  Gianna shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess so.”

  “I’ll be back in the morning after I put her on the school bus, okay?” Beverly said.

  “Okay. Thanks for taking care of her.”

  “Of course! Anything you need.”

  She turned to Emmy. “I’m gonna stop by the cafeteria on the way out and get some coffee. You want something?”

  “No, I’m fine. I’ll wait here until you pull the car up.”

  Beverly hesitated and seemed to have something she wanted to say but instead, she kissed Gianna on the forehead and patted her cheek. Emmy watched Beverly and Kaya leave, and Gianna sensed there was something on her mind. Emmy was patient, smiling pleasantly as Beverly and Kaya left the room, giving nothing away to anyone, as usual.

  “So how are you, Sweetpea? Be honest.”

  Gianna shook her head. “I don’t know. Everything feels surreal. Like it’s happening to somebody else, you know? I don’t know which way is up.”

  Emmy scooted her chair closer to the bed. “You’ve been through hell. It makes sense that you feel disoriented, at least for a little while.”

  Gianna put her face in her hands. “I have a feeling this is gonna last a lot longer than a little while. I don’t even know how much of my memory is gone.”

  Emmy stared at her granddaughter. “What exactly do you remember?” she asked.

  “Bits and pieces of things. To be honest, I haven’t really tried to remember much. I have a feeling it’ll be...painful. I’m worried. I don’t wanna relive whatever happened to me.”

  “Mm-hm,” she said, nodding along as Gianna spoke as if she had anticipated the words. “I love you, Sweetpea. And I want you to get better, I do. But if I were you, I wouldn’t rush it. Take your time, and take each day as it comes. Don’t push too hard.”

  “Why do you say that?” Gianna asked. Emmy was being Emmy. Always dispensing advice. Always seeing and knowing all, or at least pretending to. Gianna had spent most of her formative years under Emmy’s guardianship and tutelage and she was better for it. For the most part.

  “It’s just...this is a chance for you to start over,” Emmy said. “You know, fresh. And leave the past in the past.”

  Gianna frowned. “Why would I need to start over? That’s like erasing part of my life.”

  “Maybe. But some memories are better left in the dark. You get to shining a light on them, you might see something ugly.”

  Gianna stared in confusion. “What does that—?”

  “Don’t worry about that right now. Get some rest and we’ll talk again soon. We have a lot to talk about.”

  CHAPTER THREE

  SHORTLY AFTER HER FAMILY left, Gianna turned over in her hard, lumpy, shallow hospital bed to go to sleep. Her back to the door, she stared out the window and saw darkness. It seemed to be the only thing she saw these days.

  Her husband was dead, and she was now a widow. Widow. She repeated it in her mind. It was such a strange word. Strange, and loaded. She had been married, and now she wasn’t. She and her husband had been parted by death. You say those vows but you don’t truly expect or plan for it. Divorce, you can handle because you had some say in it. But death? The Grim Reaper doesn’t seek your
counsel. He takes whatever he wants. Fuck your feelings.

  She imagined Justin’s face, his bald head, his body. She tried to remember how he smelled and the sound of his voice. She was relieved that she hadn’t forgotten him, yet, but all memories have an expiration date. What would be the hour, or the day, when Justin ceased to exist in her imagination? She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. She couldn’t think that way.

  Instead, she replayed the conversation with Emmy in her head. Leave the past in the past. There had to be more to it because Emmy never spoke unless she had good reason to.

  She owed a lot to her grandmother, not the least of which was her relatively stable childhood. There was a brief period when Beverly tried to come back in and be a mother, but by that time, the damage was done.

  Gianna chose to think about the good times when Emmy would cook chicken fried steak with macaroni and cheese, baked, of course, and collard greens. She remembered coming home after school to find Emmy already there. It only happened on rare occasions but when it did, it was always special. And on those days, they would sit around and watch Emmy’s stories and then Gianna would talk about all the stuff that had happened at school. Even when the day had gone beautifully, Gianna would embellish a situation just to hear Emmy cuss the person out. A rare treat. “Do I need to come down there and whoop somebody’s ass?” she would ask, and Gianna would dissolve into giggles. Emmy didn’t play about her grandbaby and she made that abundantly clear. Emmy was always on Gianna’s side.

  She was just drifting off to sleep with a smile on her face when she heard a knock at the door. A knock so soft she almost thought she dreamed it until she heard a voice, deep and cautious.

  “Gianna?” he asked. She turned quickly toward her guest. He was tall, thin but well-built, medium brown in complexion, and handsome. The kind of handsome that makes you look twice. Movie star handsome. And he wasn’t a stranger. His name was Tremaine, and he was Justin’s best friend. She was happy she remembered.

  “Tremaine?”

  “That’s me,” he said with a smile, deep dimples appearing on his cheeks. Between the dimples and his head of jet black curly hair, it would be perfectly appropriate to describe him as adorable. “Is it okay if I come in?” he asked from the door.

  “Yeah, come in. I remember you,” she said with a smile.

  “That was gonna be my next question,” he said. A bouquet of pink roses and a little brown teddy bear sat nestled in his right arm. He set both on the table before bending down to hug her, taking care to avoid her IV.

  “Thank you. That’s really sweet,” she said, gesturing toward the gifts. They reminded her of being a teenager on Valentine’s Day, a much simpler time, when the boys spent their last twenty dollars on flowers and other little trinkets to express their strong feelings of like. Only the dope boys were buying jewelry and Jordans and such but Gianna never dated them so she had to settle for the trinkets.

  Her first boyfriend, Jeremiah Wiggins, had come to school on Valentine’s Day of her tenth-grade year bearing nothing but a tiny box of dried up, chalky candy hearts. Seeing her disappointment, he ran out during lunch and bought pink roses, a teddy bear, and a cookie cake. The latter was hard and dry because it was premade—he didn’t have time to wait for a fresh one—but it had been the effort that counted. And he never made that mistake again.

  Tremaine took his seat in the chair closest to the bed and regarded her carefully. “You’re looking much better.”

  “Did you come before?”

  “Yeah, before you woke up.” He cleared his throat. “Your mom told me you have amnesia. That’s wild, I thought that only happened on TV.”

  She chuckled. “Yeah, me too.”

  “But you remembered who I was, so it can’t be that bad, right?” He leaned toward Gianna. “What else do you remember?”

  She closed her eyes and, again, she saw darkness. “I don’t know. Apparently, there are different levels to it. I don’t remember what happened or how I got there, and the stuff I do remember, I don’t know exactly when it happened. It’s weird.”

  Tremaine sat back in the chair. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

  “Yeah. So how are you?”

  Tremaine sighed and shook his head. “I’m okay. I, uh, lost my best friend so it’s been...rough. I really hate that you missed the service. It was nice.”

  “I heard.”

  He nodded. “I’m so sorry for your loss. For everything.”

  Gianna nodded, tears springing to her eyes.

  “I’ve been checking in on Kaya,” he continued. “That little girl is a rock.”

  “Is she? I don’t know. That’s the worst part of this, to me. I’m her mother. I’m supposed to be taking care of her and I’m stuck in here with everybody fussing over me. It’s not right.” She wiped a tear and sniffed.

  Tremaine frowned. “Well if it means anything, she’s happy you’re okay. She misses her daddy but it could have been worse. I think she understands that.”

  Gianna nodded, tears rolling down her cheeks. “I still feel guilty.”

  Tremaine grabbed her hand and held it tightly in his. “She has your mom and grandmother, and she has me. We’re taking care of her, I promise. You just need to focus on getting better.”

  She closed her eyes and saw Kaya’s face and imagined her alone, sobbing into her pillow, with nobody there to comfort her. “I need to get out of this hospital.”

  He rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb and they sat there, together, for several minutes, grief and pain hanging silently between them like Spanish moss. Tremaine finally spoke. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Yeah.”

  “What’s the very last thing you remember?”

  “I honestly can’t say. My memories aren’t linear. It’s more like...flashes of memories that I can’t put a time to. Like I know you, I remember your face and who you are, but I can’t remember the last time I saw you. Does that make sense?”

  Tremaine nodded before letting out a loud sigh. “Yeah. What about that night?”

  She shook her head. “Nothing.”

  “Sorry. I hope it comes back to you.”

  “Have you heard from Justin’s family? How are they doing?”

  Tremaine frowned. “None of them have come to see you?”

  “Not that I know of, not since I’ve been awake. But Perry sent me those flowers over there,” she said, gesturing toward a bouquet of pink and purple lilies. Perry was Justin’s younger brother, and the only in-law Gianna loved genuinely and unconditionally. He was away at school so she didn’t see him often.

  “Perry’s doing okay. With him, it’s hard to say. He keeps things bottled up. But it’s weird that Russ and Cathy haven’t reached out. They’re grieving, obviously. Russell is holding it together but Cathy’s having a hard time.”

  Cathy wasn’t Gianna’s biggest fan, but she loved Kaya to pieces. You can’t trust a lot of people with your children, and sometimes that even included family, but Gianna trusted Cathy as much as her own mother. Maybe even a little bit more.

  Russell was easy. He loved his daughter-in-law, but then dads always loved her.

  “Have they seen Kaya?” Gianna said.

  “Yeah, she spent the weekend over there after the service.”

  “Okay good, that’s good.”

  Tremaine nodded and gave her hand a final squeeze. “Listen, I gotta get back to work but I’m here if you need me. Do you have my number?”

  “I don’t have anything. I don’t even know where my phone is.”

  He grabbed a notepad and pen off the side table and scribbled on it. “That’s my cell. Call if you need anything. I mean it. I’m gonna stop back by your mother’s house on my way home and make sure everybody’s squared away.”

  She tilted her head and put her hand on her heart. “Thank you for doing all of this. That’s so sweet of you, Tremaine.”

  “Justin was like my brother. It’s the least I can do.”

  Sh
e smiled. “You’re gonna be sorry you gave me your number. I’ll probably be calling you constantly. I might need you to help me remember some things.”

  He smiled, his dimples giving him the appearance of a sweet little boy. “Like I said, anything you need.”

  He was almost out the door when Gianna called to him. “Tremaine, do you know why we were out there on that road that night?”

  He stood there silently for a few moments before speaking. “It was y’all’s anniversary. You were supposed to go to Barbados but there was a hurricane and he ended up booking a room at the Concord for a few nights.”

  “Which anniversary? How many years?”

  “Ten.”

  “So it was a special one.”

  “Yeah. But y’all never made it to the hotel,” he said. He lingered in the door for a moment before dropping his head and making his way out the door. Gianna wanted to run after him and give him a big hug. He was broken, and she wasn’t used to seeing men in that state. She remembered that Justin was always hard, his defenses always up, his emotions locked up tight, and she appreciated that Tremaine allowed himself to show emotion.

  As she thought about that, she finally managed to squeeze out a few tears.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  THE NEXT DAY, A PARTLY cloudy day that could have been a Wednesday—Gianna couldn’t be sure and had given up trying to remember—Beverly came straight to the hospital after picking Kaya up from school. They brought Gianna a piece of cheesecake, her favorite, she remembered, from Brown Sugar, the little bakery by her house. Dr. Ansley had mentioned that objects from the past can sometimes act as cues to recall memories, and although the dessert didn’t jog any memories, Gianna counted it as a win anyhow. It was delicious.

  She stared at her mother as she ate it, her emotional state a curious mix of delight and distaste. The cake was a thoughtful little gift, and Gianna was thankful, but she would have preferred to have Emmy there with her instead of Beverly.

  They brought some photo albums from home, and even though Gianna was reluctant to jump into the past so quickly, she was desperate to get out of the hospital and home to Kaya. Maybe if she showed enough improvement she could put Dr. Ansley at ease. She brushed her apprehension aside and set the stack of albums on her lap. Here we go.